We want to be kind to one another, but we don’t necessarily always want to be ‘nice’. Authenticity essentially means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. We want to be able to build enough trust so that we can be honest with each other. Sometimes in order to grow, we need to hear feedback that’s not going to be fun to hear.
Temper your authenticity with compassion. What we say to another person should come from a place of trying to help and support them.
We ask for a commitment to show up to sessions consistently and to join the call a few minutes early so that we can start at the scheduled time. If you can’t make it occasionally that’s fine, but please let us know in advance.
During sessions please do your best to be present and engaged with the conversation. So no alt-tabbing, no gaming in the background… Try to pay enough attention to what others are saying so that you’d be comfortable reflecting back what they said at any point. At the same time, we also want to highlight that people need different things to be able to focus. If you need to fidget, go ahead and fidget! If you need to take notes, take notes… Do whatever works best for you
When a member shares a personal experience, our top priority is going to be to support them in whatever way they think will be most helpful. We’ll need to check in with them about this. Maybe they just want to share their story and be heard, maybe they want to hear other people’s experiences with similar issues, maybe they want to understand their emotions better…
A lot of the time, a natural impulse people have is to want to jump straight into offering solutions or advice. In our experience this is often not very helpful. Instead, we want to ASK people what kind of support they want. If you find yourself wanting to give advice anyway, let us know and we can help you find other ways to approach this. “I’m noticing myself wanting to give advice. What do I say instead?”
Any questions that provoke thought, inviting a paragraph answer rather than a single word. Basically, not yes/no or multiple choice questions.
Why?
- Encourage further reflection
- Find out more about what someone's going through
- Move the conversation forward
How?
- Be curious - what would you like to know more about?
- Clarify statements - is there anything ambiguous or confusing? Ask about it! Chances are, someone else in the group is confused too. Sometimes even the person sharing won't be aware of something inconsistent. Asking for clarification is what often leads to great insights.
- Are you making assumptions about anything? Ask a question to find out what's actually going on!
Examples
- What do you think about that?
- How did you learn that...?
- How do you feel about that?
Reflective listening is any answer to 'What are you hearing the other person say?'. Could be a summary, a direct quote, some key highlights, or even sharing how you got a bit lost in thought and only caught the last sentence of what someone was saying...
Why?
- Check if you're understanding what the other person is sharing
- Give them an easy way to clarify misunderstandings
- Help someone feel heard and understood
- Invite someone to share more. When you reflect something back to another person, generally they will naturally share more and go more in depth.
- Enable new insights. Hearing our words come out of someone else's mouth often makes them land in a different way and we notice things in our own thinking we otherwise wouldn't. You don't have to provide the actual insight - just tell someone what you're hearing and let them connect the dots.
Examples
- I'm hearing that...
- It sounds like you...
- That sounds exhausting!
Sometimes another group member will share something you relate to - consider sharing your experience. If you're unsure about whether they'd like to hear it or rather keep the focus on them, you can also ask them.
Why?
- Creates a sense of 'you're not alone in this'
- Especially useful if someone's feelings of judgment or shame associated with their experience
- Helps you connect with others in the group
Examples
- Me too!
- I feel like I can relate a lot. Would you be interested in hearing my experience?
Your group will be a place to understand yourself and to learn how to find answers within yourself. You will also learn how to support others in the group to do the same.
- You’re going to meet once a week for 90 minutes in the same time slot, and your group will run for either 4 or 16 weeks.
- Normally it takes at least 8-12 weeks before people start noticing changes in their lives.
- If you can’t make it to a session or are running late please let your group know.
- Facilitators will generally not share much about their personal lives or participate in the group as members. Instead, they will assist you in supporting each other and guide the conversation as necessary. You are free to ask them questions though.
- The only thing we ask for as ‘payment’ for participating in group is that you fill in a weekly post-session feedback form and an outcome survey once a month to track your progress. This helps us understand how groups help people and identify areas for improvement. We may also use anonymised, aggregated data for marketing purposes in the future. Filling in these surveys is a requirement for participating in group.
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For some groups, cameras are a requirement. There are several reasons for this:
- We find that groups with video have an easier time relating to one another, and feel more connected and engaged with the conversation. Ultimately, this also leads to more growth and quicker progress
- It’s easier to notice when someone wants to speak and to give them space
- If we notice that someone is feeling uncomfortable or upset, we’ll be able to check in with them to see how they’re doing and if there’s anything we can do to help
Everyone in the group has an entitlement to privacy, which basically means that what’s said in the group stays in the group. If another member shares a personal experience during a session, that is not your information to share outside of group.
Facilitators will be taking notes so that they can keep track of what’s been talked about in each group, but these won’t be shown to anyone and once group is over they will be destroyed.
Facilitators may bring questions or problems to their supervisor or colleagues during case reviews. If they do so, they will ensure to talk in the most general terms possible and avoid disclosing any identifiable information.
You don’t have to discuss anything you don’t want to. It is always okay to put the brakes on a conversation or to refuse to answer a question. If the conversation isn’t going in a direction you like, if you’re feeling too pressured or too uncomfortable, please let us know! If you’re ever worried about how another group member is doing, please check in with them or let us know! Anyone can put the brakes on at any time.
It is also okay to disconnect from the call at any point, no explanation needed. If this happens, your facilitator will message you after the session to check in with you. If you’re feeling up to it, we can talk about what happened and how it affected you and what we can adapt or do differently in the future.
If you feel you need to turn off your camera at particular points during a session that’s okay, but we ask that you make an effort to keep it on whenever you can (if you're in a cameras-on group).
If you have any concerns about how sessions are going, there are a few things you can do:
- If you feel comfortable, bring it up in sessions with your group. If you don’t like how something is going, chances are you won’t be the only one. If you tell us what’s going wrong, we’ll be able to talk about it and find a solution together
- At the end of each session we’ll ask you to fill in a brief feedback form. These are anonymous (as long as you don’t write down any identifying information). We do read these every week and we take feedback very seriously. If you raise an issue, we will do our best to address it.
- If you need to raise an issue that you don’t feel comfortable discussing with your group or facilitators you can open a support ticket in #support-desk in the main (green) server.
We ask everyone to take responsibility for everyone else in the group. If you notice that someone else is unusually quiet or if you feel like they’re not okay or unhappy about something, please check in with them.
- “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve gone quiet all of a sudden. How are you feeling?”
- “How’s the session going for you?”
For the duration of your group, we ask that you don't interact with one another outside the group server. This is to ensure that everyone in the group remains on the same page and that everyone gets to know each other at the same pace. We want to avoid sub-groups forming or for someone to be left behind.
You're welcome to chat as much as you like to though within your server! That way anyone who's not actively participating in a conversation can choose to read what's been said later to catch up should they wish to do so.
We operate on a peer support model and our facilitators are NOT medical professionals. They therefore can’t diagnose, provide any kind of therapy or treatment, and none of what’s said in group should be interpreted as medical advice.
This also means that sometimes topics might come up that you won't be able to discuss in full detail. Your group's main focus will be on the present, helping you move towards your goals, and figuring out where you want to be in life. We might occasionally touch upon how past experiences affect you now, but you won’t be delving into the past or trauma.
To keep the group safe for everyone, certain topics such as abuse or suicide are completely off-limits. Should such topics come up, your facilitator will interrupt the conversation and offer to talk about how you could get access to professional support instead.